When I started writing this Blog, I was so sure. So sure that I “had something”. Something new and exciting and worthwhile.
So sure that people would read it, love it, and want to come back to it. I thought people would be signing up for “this life” with me. I am laughing out loud just thinking about that.
Not that that isn’t possible, it’s just, no one lined up. There was no immediate reaction or event that reassured me “this was it”. Not too many people even talked to me about it, which, looking back, is extremely understandable. Side note: As an Enneagram 2, and a severe crave-er of affirmation, this lingered with me. I went back and forth in my head if I was even going to have anything else to write about. And if I did, who was going to want to come back and read it?
After all these thoughts took me up and down an emotional roller coaster, I realized this is going to be a process. How quickly I forget this! In all things!
Which is funny, because that is exactly what I want this blog to be about. Processing. Working through moments and life with other people. I want this to be a safe spot for you to let your guard down in, so that you can feel what comes to the surface.
I am so drawn lately to quotes and posts and people who talk about the feelings social media and our culture today produce. And yet, I am constantly getting wrapped up in those feelings, weighing them as the Truth, when in reality, I know the Truth.
The Truth is, we are loved and valued by a God who created us, on purpose, and who wants us to feel okay. And when I say this, I mean “okay” as in, God wants us to feel good, and whole, and complete! Secure. Even knowing that we doubt the goodness that is promised to us, even though we have doubts about our actions and circumstances, or the response we get from the world and other people, God STILL loves us and values the steps we are taking on this journey.
How thankful I am that we have a God who doesn’t turn away from us when we doubt that there is good. That he stays even when we think we messed up.
So, here we are. Exactly a month since my first post. (Wow, it seems longer than that!) Yeah, I hid for a little bit, not gonna lie. I worried I didn’t really have enough of an idea to keep going or that it wasn’t good enough to create a direction to continue in at all. I worried that no one wanted to read it, and maybe no one will.
But, today, I heard from God. I heard that I am broken, and messy, and not perfect. I am not whole, but I am whole in Him, because of Him.
So, today, I am committed to continuing with this Blog. I am committed to continuing this journey. And… I hope you are too.
I am committed to fighting through fear and insecurity and discomfort after I hit the “Publish” button on these pots. I am committed to not looking like other Blogs, or not posting on a schedule right now. I am committed because I know that when I get to the other side of all that, it will be worth it. And maybe the “other side” will be the fact that I hit that button. Time and time again. That I show up, lay it all out there, and leave it for anyone to see.
It’s going to be messy, weird, and probably awkward like usual, but that’s okay. The results are going to be so shinny and new and wonderful. And you know what, I am committed to doing that over, and over, and over again, with you. About everything. Because until we are whole with God in Heaven, that is just what we are suppose to do here on Earth – process, reflect, refine, act, share, and love. Over, and over, and over again. And I am becoming okay with that. Excited even.
So wherever you fall on that spectrum of nervousness to excited, let this space be a reset for you, today. Right now. Every time you come here, acknowledge the process you are on in your own life, and brace yourself for the ride! Don’t worry, I am here with you, and so is God.
Here, you will find encouragement to keep on keepin’ on, you will be challenged with ideas, thoughts, imperfections, and God’s Truth. But know this, that you will be in control of how much you grow here. Not me. (Wow, that actually feels good to let go of! ha! Enneagram 2, people!)
My goal, still, is to encourage and facilitate that growth, but it is in your hands once it leaves this space. I know what it is like to be scared and vulnerable. You just saw that above. But, I am rooting for you to grab hold of that because YOU are worth feeling shinny and new and wonderful, too. You are worth all the hard work, the mess, the dirt, the awkward. There is a light on the other side of all this darkness, and you have the chance to step into that now.
So, are you committed?